As outlined in my previous blog, I was surprised, and yet disappointed, to hear about the latest ITV talent show contest and Sir Andrew Lloyd Webbers casting for the Jesus Christ Superstar.
It is quite clear that the casting wasn’t taken very seriously. After all, this obviously means Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber is a bit short of a few million so is obviously using this as a cash injection. So, I would like to present two alternatives – one that might as well have been the casting (due to the nature of the seriousness involved in the decision making), and one that I reckon is a winner.
So, to re-iterate, the first lot is not what I think, but what might as well have been. The second lot is what I seriously think should have been the cast.
Judas Iscariot – Noel Edmonds
As we are into hiring DJs to perform rock operas in the big London Theatre scene, Noel Edmonds is a sound choice to play Judas Iscariot. I reckon he could pull off some agonising facial expressions, just like the ones from Deal or No Deal, as he is trying to tell Jesus not to get too carried away with his preaching of the word of God. I also think he might even be willing to hang himself in the famous “Judas’ Death” scene. Pretend hanging that is. Let’s establish that now. I like Noel Edmonds very much and wouldn’t want that one to go wrong.
Mary Magdelene – Marge Simpson
Come on everyone, admit it – her performance in A Streetcar Named Desire was a winner. She has a fantastic voice that only Mel C can look up to, plus her acting isn’t bad. She is also a caring person, which is a great attribute to have when playing the role of Mary Magdelene.
King Herod – Jabba the Hut
I’m a man of my word – I said in my previous post that Jabba the Hut, due to his physique, would certainly fill the roll of King Herod. He could just sit in his throne, belting out “So, if your the Christ…” quite comfortably I reckon.
Pontius Pilate – Beat Takeshi
As an inquisitor and law giver, what do you reckon? Imagine this. If he really wanted to not put him to crucifixion, and not really wanting to put him through 39 lashes (after all, no one wants that), why not stick him through High Rollers? Or perhaps see how he fairs on Bridge Ball? I couldn’t imagine anyone better.
Anyway, you can see where I’m going with these ones. Perhaps we should take a look on what I REALLY think should be the cast (or most of).
Judas Iscariot – Roger Daultrey
I thought very very hard on this one. Initially, I thought Maynard James Keenan from Tool. Then I thought no, perhaps there is someone better. Then strangely, after going through a number of names, I thought “Hey, Roger Daultrey was good in Tommy…” and, as it happens, Roger Daultrey did play Judas in a BBC Radio performance of Jesus Christ Superstar. Great minds think a like if you ask me.
Mary Magdelene – Sarah Brightman
She maybe 51 but she is still looking stunning and is horrendously talented. Ironically, she was also married to Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber at one point. As underwhelming as this role may be to her (as she is capable of so much more), I can think of no one better. And, as her performance in Repo! The Genetic Opera is anything to go by, she is still incredible now as she always has been. If she doesn’t feel like filling the role, perhaps her co cast member from Repo! Alexa Vega might fill in?
Simon (Simon Zeolates) – Lionel Richie
Oh man, come on. He’s got the energy, he’s got the voice, and he can do funk. the song is funky, happy and is probably my favourite one out of the lot. I’m not big into Lionel, but I know he’d pull this one out of the bag no problems. Also, check the video out. I think the guy who played him in the 1973 film looks like him. Sort of.
King Herod – Brian Blessed
Hey, that almost rhymes too! Anyway, this was tough one, but only because I reckon Mr Blessed would have been fantastic as Caiaphas too. But the Herod Song is a fun one, and I think Brian Blessed would be great for the role.
Pontius Pilate – David Bowie
There is something sinister about David Bowies performance in some of his other films that I think would make him ideal for the role of Pontius Pilate. Needless to say, he has the voice. He would certainly act out this role in his own way, but it would fit so well.
Jesus Christ – Daniel Gildenlow
There is only one person who I know would be able to give the performance that Ted Neeley did on Gethsemane and that is Daniel Gildenlow from Pain of Salvation. But not only that, I think Daniel has the look, the style and the performance capabilities to play Jesus Christ and I think it would be absolutely epic.
the Band – Transatlantic
Ah HA! You thought I was going to say The Flower Kings then didn’t you. No? Oh ok. Well, no doubt about this one. Think what Transatlantic would do to the soundtrack to this. Man, it would totally rock the place out in true prog fashion.
Ok, So I’ve got some big names in here, fair point. But compared to the shit that we are about to be fed by ITV and Chris Moyles, I think I’ve put a better cast together. WAY better.